SPACE ALIEN NATION’S
EARTH DAY
SPECIAL EDITION
VELFIN SPOIDIOYZ CAUGHT UP IN EARTHMANIA!
In preparation for our special Earth Day issue, we asked our readers in the Velfin Spoidiyz what they like about Earth. Here are the results of our poll:
FAVORITE THINGS FROM EARTH
1. marijuana
2. earthform genitals
3. Nervous foot syndrome
4. Las Vegas
5. stories physicists tell to explain the universe
6. bubble wrap
7. prostate exams
8. shaving cream
9. illegal aliens
10. surgical breasts
FAVORITE VISUAL AMUSEMENTS FROM EARTH
SCI-FI: Housewives of New York
COMEDY: Avatar
DOCUMENTARY: Plan 9 From Outer Space
MUSICAL: Saddest Music In The World (Guy Maddin)
ACTION ADVENTURE: Celebrity Apprentice
ACTOR: Glenn Beck
COMEDY TEAM: Rachel Maddow & Kent Jones
FUNNIEST FACE: Tucker Carlson’s “serious face”
SCARIEST FACE: Nancy Pelosi
FAVORITE NEWS PROGRAM: Star Trek
FAVORITE EARTHFORM SONIC EMISSIONS
1. anything by Sun Ra
2. The Royal Teens - Short Shorts
3. Parliament - Mothership Connection
4. Skip James - I'm So Glad
5. anything by The Chipmunks
6. Larry Adler - Smokin' Reefers
7. Mickey Katz - Borscht Riders In The Sky
8. Doc Boggs - Mother's Advice
9. Yma Sumac - Xtaba
10. James Brown - I Got Ants In My Pants
11. The Tornados - Telstar
FAVORITE SONIC EMISSIONS FOR CHILDREN
1. Ancient Voices of Children by George Crumb
2. John Coltrane - Ascension
THE SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT EARTHFORMS
1. Mr. Softee's truck music
2. Selfies
THE FUNNIEST THING ABOUT EARTHFORMS - Selfies
THE CUTEST EARTHFORMS - Zombies
INTERESTING EARTHFORM OCCUPATION -The High Jump
FAVORITE EARTHFORM FOODS - Styrofoam peanuts
A glittering array of the blampst and brightest of the Velfin Spoidioyz attended a gala event in full costume. The party, hosted by none other than The Blessed Exalted Lumloo Fiduppadoi, required (by legal fiat) that the invited attendees wear costumes identical to those worn by earthforms in their every day life. Those of us in the press fortunate enough to attend were witness to a fabulous array of exotic plummage. SPACE ALIEN NATION is proud to offer our readers a sampling of what we observed. We hope our Beloved Leader will make this costume banquet a regular feature of our annual celebration of Earth Day.
Fimnulg! my peepeez on our first Earth Day!
Earthforms love to celebrate, and they enjoy celebrating with liquids. Some liquids pour down and some pour up. When they open vessels of bubble juice they hear a delightful pop! --and the liquid flies upward. What remains in the bottle get poured into their body cavities. Though a bit late this year, the planet itself celebrated with liquids pouring up and down. It poured up in the watery region of the Gulf of Mexico and it poured down on the village of Nashville where earthforms garble their sonic emissions while wearing large hats. This year's celebratory squirting of oil created a dazzling display of kinetic painting upon the Gulf waters that brought to mind the ritual squirting of lightforms in the sky on the 4th of July. However, the downpour of liquids onto Nashville was much lacking in visual sparkle. There, the visual rewards suffered from a monochromatic brown cast which resisted any attempt by ambient light sources to reveal spontaneous expressions of contrapuntal variation in either tone or shape.
The Gulf oil spill (above Left) features dynamic swirls of shape and color that never ceases to enchant the senses as it weaves its way toward the coast of Louisiana in a sumptuous ballet of luminosity. The flooding in Nashville (above Right) failed to sparkle with its risky commitment to formal minimalism.