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The galaxy-wide surge in consumer spending and easy credit seems to have no end in sight. Millions of first-time room-owners and entrepreneurs are taking advantage of our good fortune, allowing the long-neglected underclass to imagine themselves as middle class. Manufacturers and distributors of ZUZZ! and other amusements are amassing enormous wealth.
In the short period of time that Shemsheebo Wobbalubdok spent on the distant planet, Earth, he had managed to drain trillions of dollars from that planet's wealth and redirected it into the Velfin economy. The key to Mvn. Wobbalubdok's triumph was his awareness that Earth's economy was based on loans that could never be repaid. So he pulled out the old Bazbadoran terrorist strategy--Swap Credit Default--for destroying an enemy’s economy so it cannot fund warfare. The earthforms found it an enticing financial product, and of course, none of their species could comprehend what the product was. Before they figured out what happened, Shemsheebo Wobbalubdoc was on his way back to the Velfin Spoidioyz with his plundered bounty. “They are a savage race," said Mvn. Wobbalubkok, “and they were ripe for picking. It was the only graceful thing I could do."
He had traveled to Earth with Koko Dozo as a low level clerk in charge of supplies. In that role his primary duty was to ensure that Koko Dozo did not deplete the ship's supply of ZUZZ!. Shemsheebo Wobbalubdok has certainly gone far since then.
Greetings my beloved homzoi peepeez and doggies.
Last month it snowed a lot to the great relief of earthforms. The snow was proof that their dreaded Global Warming did not exist. Last week it rained so much that many earthforms required floating vessels to navigate the streets in order to avoid getting coverings wet. This week, I am told, is unseasonably warm which is indisputable proof that Earth Warming is upon them. These earthforms are so sensitive to the slightest possibility of micro-incremental change that I fear Earth might be knocked out of its orbit if I should burp in my sleep. Sometimes I long for the relative stability of Bazbador where gakkling about the weather is just a banal signifier of social exchange.
I was assured that Hussein Obama is a cruel despot. But then I changed the channel on their gakklebox only to discover that he actually believes in voting and equality for all the earthform mutations. The only thing that seems to consistent down here is that earthforms are mad as hell and are not going to do anything about it.
Here in Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay everybody wants to be a vampire. My readers in the Velfin Spoidioyz will be fascinated to learn that Earth also has those barl-vumping vampires. Oddly, the vampires on Earth are earthform-like puppies which are considered to be quite adorable. Apparently these vampires cuddle with the young earthform females, unlike our own vile creatures which deposit their droppings all over our clean floors and leave our gugglioz full of itchy sores. Imagine getting all cuddly with one of our blood-sucking vampires! These earthforms are incomprehensible but they are suckers for Koko Dozo's sonic emissions.
