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In a worrisome development on Earth, Farfummf Shibadigdis, the reknowned planetary explorer and member of KOKO DOZO, has been stricken with nynfidioy thubmumzium gegnaa. Though this ailment is rare in our galaxy, it is known to be quite common on Earth.
Struggling to find words to describe his unusual malady, Mr. Shibadigdis said he experienced a zimgree yoyach in the upper region of his thuvmogula flumbose." Mr. Shibadigdis was reportedly attending a social gathering of zesty celebrities in a place called Tribeca where he was offered something called cocacola, a white powdery substance that earthforms drink through straws into their nasal passages. Mr. Shibadigdis explained, “The bottles were so tiny I just sucked a full one with a single nasal tug. It was only then that I experienced painful symptoms of nynfidioy thubmumzium gegna.”
We do not know if this mysterious condition is fatal. Earth doctors advise the swallowing of small pellets called Tylenol but it is unknown what the Tylenol’s effect would be on non-Earth organisms. After all--who knows who has handled these pellets. Have they washed their lomules? What kind of families are they from? For all we know they be mumlchagn.
Mr. Shibadigdis has also voiced concern that he has lost contact with his nose and he fears this might obstruct his ability to hear the speakers when performing with Koko Dozo.
Koko Dozo’s gwarbler, Gambothna Geebis, assures us that Mr. Shibadigdis 's nose is still located in the same place, although it curiously keeps changing its color since his ingestion of cocacola.
Greetings my peepeez. I have been a bit ill. There are some remaining complications but I am told they too shall pass. I am able to report the latest yoif on the strange contest the earthforms are conducting to select their leader.
Barak Obama, the candidate-of-change, has been joined in his change-quest by none other than his opponent. Yes, now John McCain is also the candidate-of-change representing the faction of earthforms that call themselves "conservative"--a term defined as being resistant to change. All candidates promise to change the government. Barak Obama’s strategy is to change the party currently in power that most earthforms hate, therefore they should vote for him and his party, which is not the party in power. McCain’s strategy is to vote for him and his party--the one that is now in power, and the one that most earthforms hate. At first, most voters wanted the Obama kind of change because it would mean there would be a something different. But now, most want the McCain kind of change. This is why: the Obama kind of change would mean that things that are bad would be made good in the near future--a time frame these primitive earthforms can not experience in the present, so it feels stressful. McCain’s party prefers change that is the same thing that currently exists so that everybody can enjoy the comforts of knowing in advance the bad things that will continue. Now that’s entertainment!
Here is where it gets confusing for those who are new to earthform ways. Fortunately I am no longer a tourist and, as earthforms say, “when in Rome enjoy a Big Mac or perhaps a Happy Meal.” Those who are most conservative did not like McCain at first. That is because before he was the candidate-of-change he tried to change a few things. But what convinced them he is now the candidate-of-change that they prefer, is his choice of co-leader, Sarah Palin. She is a candidate-of-change who believes in all the things the current leaders of her party believe in--the things they would not want to change. Conservatives are also excited that she is a female earthform because they have long believed that females are inferior to males and choosing her means that they truly are committed to change--the kind that keeps everything the way is now. They also like that her spouse is in a labor union because conservatives with much have long been against unions, as are the muchless conservatives that used to earn good wages because of labor unions. More proof that she is a candidate-of-change.
The benefits of poorly educating young earthforms is that when election time comes, you can make them believe anything you wish for them to believe. The Palin/McCain story-writers created a tale about her that is full of fake information that is far more entertaining than real information and, therefore, more true. And the region of earth called, Yoo Ass-Ay, Yoo Ass-Ay, Yoo Ass-Ay, is a land of many believers. Earthforms want stories that warm the ulfubulum, particularly in times of trouble. Let me tell you, my homzoi doggies--in this hood, real information is, I mean, like, so elitist whatever.
Many are impressed because Palin can see a foreign land from her home state which means she will know how to handle complex issues on international matters. And they feel sympathy for her story about birthing five offspring, but only one of them is special. People feel so sad about the other four. They relate to the sadness of growing up among multitudes of others, only one of whom is likely to turn out to be special. Also Females feel that she is just like them because she too has a wumza and is, therefore, qualified to be a great leader. Conservative earthform behavior is controlled by such body parts. Everyone is so excited because her high school daughter is giving birth. The conservative spiritual leaders are especially happy because their campaign to ban the teaching facts about procreation in schools finally has a symbol of success. Now they even like Sarah Palin’s running mate, John McCain, so much that Palin lets him attend some of her campaign events.
The other candidate-of-change, Barak Obama, sounds very sour these days -- so hopeless amidst all the joy over Sarah Palin. Maybe that is because so many earthforms confuse his name with a former leader of a foreign land--Israel--whose name was also Barak. Many who adore Palin also adore Israel because their deity will return when Israeli earthforms stumble into a war and die. Cheer up Obama, Sir. After all, your spouse is the only earthform in this contest who does not embarrass her planet when she dances the Funky Norpse.
Wednesday, Oct 1, 2008:
