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Force of Explosion Brings An End to Current Earth Year! Entire Planet Forced To Time-Travel Into 2009 Causing Climate Changes, Worsening Economic Crisis, Bad Earthform Sonic Emissions.
Greetings my beloved homzoi peepeez and doggies.
Well, the selection of the leader of Earth is over. I was quite disappointed. Sarah Palin--candidate of the “real Americans” and her running mate, John Something-or-Other, lost to the socialist Muslim terrorist candidate, Barack Hussein Obama who, I must admit, was clearly the finer interpreter of the Funky Norpse. The result of the election was not surprising because many earthforms have given me inside information about the citizens of Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay, Yoo-Ass-Ay: they love things that are fake. They like fake versions of flowers, wood, foods, body parts. This would explain why the majority of Yoo Ass of Ay earthforms are fake Americans and therefore voted against my beloved Sarah who sacrificed so much for “real Americans.” But as they say here--“Yeah, well...whatever.” Congratulations and best wishes to Mr. Hussein Obama!
I am told that in certain parts of Earth there is, at the moment, confusion about what to expect from him because his middle name, Hussein, makes him a friend to Muslims and terrorists; but his first name, Barack, is the name of the leader of Israel which makes Obama a friend to the earthforms who create movies that make terrorists look bad. After the election, many earthforms of New York asked me, “Is this good for the jooz?” They often ask the same question of KOKO DOZO after we sing Spaceman with its words, “it's no discrace to be a spaceman”. They asked also when a rogue virus from the planet Wozfinool was recently captured here. One of our missions on Earth was to capture and terminate this dangerous organism--a berneemadov gingoil--but New York’s finest blue men captured it first which definitely was not good for the reputation of Koko Dozo back on our home planet who let these blue earthforms get the credit. Having no idea what this question--good for the jooz--means, I chose to be diplomatic so as to avoid revealing my ignorance or giving a response that might offend; so I cleverly responded with a question that many earthforms ask when confused, “What would Jesus do?” That seemed to work because those who inquired went away immediately, apparently satisfied with my presumed wisdom on the matter.
I seem to be making progress in understanding this strange place!
Terrafilm stars, and Gracklers and Garblers of all types, already have their willing thralls of stylists, fashion designers, and spackeloons on speed dial; and the corzmullah is already ripping at the seams! The infighting, back biting and downright fisticuffs over who’s wearing who, and what’s wearing what is making the most audacious headlines! And this is before the actual awards!!! There are tensions rising over this celebration known as the “Grammys.” That word is a slang term for the ancient gramophone, a device on which now ancient music-vessels known as LP’s were played. It is also a Southern Dialect from the Red Velvet Cake Sector of Terranoplis meaning “grandmother.” The tensions are there because even the Terranopolans, admittedly light years behind Koko Dozoan culture, now realize how out of date and place this particular award is. No one buys music anymore on Terranopolis since its function is merely to serve the purchasing of products no one needs. Still, pillars of the “recording industry” continue to turn out in numbers in an almost funereal state because earthforms hold a revered sense for their grandmothers. Pop star Clomooncey who, despite being horrifically overexposed, will once again shake her chunga chungas in something skin tight. Clomooncey, who recently felt it was time to let her fans know about her covert union with MegaMogul Zaybee, is being unusually tightlipped over who she intends to don on this evening. Knowing her recently malfunctions, we can’t wait to see what’s next! Who cares about music when you have chunga chungas??? Certainly not the Terranopolans! However, the real stories surround the Oscars, an award shaped like a golden rectal reliever we use on Koko Dozo when we have fulgecrampers. Best Actress Nominee Smoot Zamblee was recently overheard at a famous boutique on Rodeo Drive (located in the Plastic Fantastic sector of Terranapolis) complaining about being “bloated and old and tired” where she suddenly fell into a chair, looked the color of slate and passed out. Could it be too many trips to the fulgeshoot cleaner? Best Actor nominee Plicky Tourque has made it clear he will refuse to show for the awards unless he can bring his small dog along. He says “without my dogs I am nothing.” Now this, is something PETA would love. Of course, everyone is just garkling to know what Best Supporting Actress Nominiee Tendra Holic is going to show up in, having caused a stir at the Golden Globe Awards in a completely see-through corzmullah confection. Unaware of how sheer the material really was, she feigned innocence when it was brought to her attention that her neeblies and dunkies were on full display. But dear readers...we know the real story, don’t we?
