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Our exalted leader, Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi, has ordained that dancing the Funky Norpse is to be banned throughout the Velfin Spoidioyz Planetary Union. In his wisdom, he gave no reason for the ban which has led some in the extreme radical press to wonder if the timing of the ban--coinciding with the announcement that he will receive a portion of KOKO DOZO's revenues--suggests an element of the royal court's envy of the intergalactic popularity of our esteemed noizmakers whose discovery of Earth last year has captivated the Velfin citizenry. Naturally, we at Space Alien Nation in no way agree with those nuttering nommyobs of negativism who were rightfully arrested last night and remain encased in a silo of toxic babalimun.
As for our infallible leader, The Exalted Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi’s reasonable claim on a trifling portion of KOKO DOZO’s noiz revenue is beyond question. Surely a mere 86% of Earth sales (95% of sales outside Earth's atmosphere) is fair and just. And naturally, the Royal Dulumthay should own the master recordings and half of the publishing rights, not to mention reimbursement from KOKO DOZO for all manufacturing costs and promotional copies of noiz distributed. Considering the celestial agonies endured by our gentle heroic leader, The Lumloo Fiduppadoi, on behalf of the citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz, the All-Knowing One has earned that small tribute by those who are permitted to breath the gases of fame. We say Jiblyox! eleven times in tribute to The Exalted One. Our feelings about the banning of the Funky Norpse, and certain other acts, are highly complex and difficult to express at this time. But we certainly frown upon the violent and disrespectful way many of the citizens of the Velfin Spoidioyz have reacted to our Blessed Leader's decree. Law and order must prevail. We all know that we have license to publicly express disfavor over a royal decree. This precious freedom is bestowed upon us by our Blessed Leader, so why ruin it with public protest? Let us be accommodating in our rage.
Fear Grips Populace: Will Violent Protest Demonstrations Against The Exalted Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi's Latest Decree Draw Entire Velfin Spoidioyz Into Chaos?
Total anarchy in the Vuplormo Gissn Moon Resort threatens to create a war zone unless order is maintained. An unruly mob has created a situation where citizens leave their homes at their own peril. Radicals have been disguis-ing themselves as earthforms. The Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi blames the popularity of ZUZZ and the Funky Norpse for “the rejection of traditional Velfin values.”
Moomuns Wobjimmie has been arrested on the orders of The Exalted Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi. The charges have not yet been made public. The beloved hero, Mvz. Wobjimmie, is thought to have recently harbored hopes and dreams of a personal nature. She was reportedly seen doing the funky norpse alone in her private residence. There is no information about who witnessed or reported her to the authorities. That such a highly respected personage would place the entire Velfin Spoidioyz in mortal danger is likely to result in continued unrest.
Wiihaliox! from KOKO DOZO. We regret that we can not be present with you in our beloved homeland at this moment of crisis. Alas, we are serving our Exalted Blessed Leader--Lumloo Fiduppadoi on this tiresome errgergle called Earth. It is a hellish place, indeed, and our labors are fearsome and draining. But with great humility we serve a higher cause--the honor of our beloved Velfin Spoidioyz Planetary Union.
We are in full agreement with the recent rulings of The Exalted Blessed Lumloo Fiduppadoi. Who are we to presume to have greater wisdom? We will gladly share our earnings with our Revered Leader, and we are quite shocked that he requests such a small sum for himself.
We beg of you to please stop these distressing protests and bring peace and order to the entire Velfin Spoidioyz. To one and all: Koko Dozo bids you all a cheeyulk ilgarilops!
Greetings my beloved homzoi peepeez and doggies.
I have become sadly aware of the strife back in KOKO DOZO’s homeland, the Velfin Spoidioyz, in reaction to our Exalted Blessed Leader, Lumloo Fiduppadoi’s banning of the Funky Norpse dance, and claiming a reasonable surcharge on sales of KOKO DOZO music. As a concerned citizen of the Velfin Spoidioyz, I feel compelled to offer my own humble comments on these troubling developments, so, unlike our management team who composed an elegant public statement for us, I am offering this column as a respectful open letter from me to our Exalted Blessed Leader, Lumloo Fiduppadoi .
May the watolomps on Fiduppadoi’s ass burn like chigmidlum in a nuclear summer. We’re on Earth now, O Blessed Thuldoidy. You fatuous shubgozz. Bring it on glurf-bucket. You can shove the vig up your fulge-cavern. KOKO DOZO is the Nazz around here, pal. KOKO DOZO will give you 86% of our next fuld dropping... oh wait... I feel a dropping coming on right now! Uhg. Unnng. Ahh. OK, Lumsucker, your check is in the mail. Such an exalted personage art thou--your royal fulge couldn’t get past the bouncer at Burger King on this planet. That’s right--Lumloo Fiduppadoi is large like Lehman Brothers on this joint called Earth.
As for the Funky Norpse--that little square dance is so yesterday that even these earthform doinkwombies are doing it. By tomorrow the entire population of the Velfin Spoidioyz will open the window and start dancing the Gupjo Kuzmunt. See if your Royal Flatulence can wrap your ugly thain around those moves.
Oh, snap!, Lumulumps--KOKO DOZO is way beyond your orbit. We’re cranked on ZUZZ fumes and Mars bars and we’re untouchable. Come and get us. We have an earthform here they call Doctor Ruth. She’ll rip your norpse to shreds with her bare gliglubbies. Bring it on, chickenlips!
Feb 21, 2009 10PM: SUGARLAND
221 W. 9th St. in Williamsburg, Brooklyn
